The Hidden Cost of Repressed Anger in Women

Julia Prouse
May 22
2 min read

Updated: Sep 4

How do you feel about anger?

You’re not sure? Maybe a bit uncomfortable? That makes sense.

Women often weren’t taught how to express our anger, let alone feel it. Instead, we were encouraged to be easygoing, agreeable, and accommodating. And when anger did show up? We were often shamed for it — labelled “too much,” “too emotional,” or “hormonal.”

Anger was seen as loud, messy, or unfeminine — something to avoid, not explore.

Anger: The Emotion Women Are Taught to Avoid

Anger gets a bad rap, especially for women.

From a young age, many girls are conditioned to believe:

Anger is “unladylike”
Speaking up is “bossy”
Having needs is “selfish”
Expressing frustration makes you “difficult” or “dramatic”

So instead of expressing anger, you might:

Cry, even when you're not sad, just overwhelmed
Numb out or shut down
Over-explain and apologise
Smile and say “It’s fine” when it’s definitely not fine

This isn’t because you're weak or broken. It's because anger wasn’t made safe for you.

You may have learned early on that anger led to rejection, conflict, or consequences. Maybe when you got angry as a kid, you were told to calm down, be nice, or stop overreacting. Or maybe you just never saw anyone around you express anger healthily. So when it showed up in you, it felt foreign, overwhelming, or even shameful.

Over time, anger became something to suppress or ignore.

What Happens When Anger Gets Suppressed or Repressed

When anger isn’t allowed to be felt, it doesn’t go away. It gets stored in the body, turning into things like:

😟 Anxiety
😤 Resentment
💯 Perfectionism
🧠 Burnout
😞 Low self-worth
👋 People-pleasing (to avoid conflict)

You might even convince yourself, “I’m not angry!” but it comes out in other ways — through passive-aggressive comments, irritability, or sudden tears that feel disproportionate to the moment.

If you’ve ever Googled “why do I cry when I’m angry?” this is why.

Anger Is Not the Problem — It's the Messenger

Anger is not toxic. It’s not a character flaw.

It’s a protective emotion.

Anger shows up to tell us when:

A boundary has been crossed
We feel powerless or disrespected
Something deeply matters to us

When expressed in a healthy way, anger helps you advocate for yourself, protect your energy, and ask for what you need.

It’s not something to fear. It’s a source of power.

Reclaiming Your Right to Be Angry

Many women feel afraid of their own anger. This is understandable if you were never taught that anger is normal and valid.

Healing begins with allowing yourself to feel the anger you’ve been suppressing. It is about unlearning the belief that anger makes you bad or difficult and seeing it as part of being human.