Perfectionism Is Exhausting—Here’s How to Let Go Without Falling Apart

Perfectionism isn’t the flex we once thought it was. Sure, striving for high standards can seem admirable, but when it’s driven by anxiety, fear of failure, or the need to constantly prove yourself, it becomes a heavy weight to carry. If you’re a millennial woman who’s constantly chasing gold stars, struggling to switch off, or spiralling into self-doubt every time something isn’t just right—you’re not alone, and it’s not your fault.

What Is a Perfectionist Person Like?

Picture this: you’ve rewritten that email ten times, second-guessed every word in a text, or spent hours trying to “get it right” only to still feel anxious about it. Perfectionists often set really high standards for themselves (and sometimes others), have a deep fear of failure, and struggle to feel satisfied even after achieving something. There’s this inner voice that whispers, “You could’ve done better.”

It’s not about wanting to do well—that’s healthy striving. It’s about tying your worth to your output and feeling anxious, guilty, or ashamed when things aren’t flawless. When you’re not flawless (yes, trying to have perfect emotions is a thing).

What’s the Root Cause of Perfectionism?

Perfectionism doesn’t just show up one day. For many, it starts in childhood. Maybe praise was tied to achievements. Maybe mistakes weren’t safe. Maybe being the “good kid” was how you got love or kept the peace.

So, your brain made the connection: being perfect = being safe/loved/valued. That pattern sticks. And suddenly, you’re 30 and can’t relax unless everything is ticked off your to-do list and colour-coded.

Is Perfectionism a Mental Health Disorder?

Not officially, but it’s closely linked to anxiety, depression, burnout, and low self-esteem. It can be incredibly exhausting to live with. When perfectionism is running the show, rest feels undeserved, productivity becomes self-worth, and mistakes feel like personal failures. It's not just a “quirk”—it can seriously impact your mental health and relationships if left unchecked.

How to Stop Being So Perfectionist (Without Spiralling)

❤️ Notice your inner critic – Get curious about that voice that says, “You’re not doing enough.” Challenge it with kindness.

⏳ Rest without guilt – Your worth isn’t tied to how productive you are. Rest is not a reward—it’s a need.

😌 Lower the stakes – Everything doesn’t have to be perfect to be valuable. Done is often better than perfect.

🛑 Practice being imperfect on purpose – Yep. Send the email with a typo. Wear the outfit that’s a bit bold. Let someone see you before you’ve got it all together.

🧠 Talk to a therapist – Perfectionism is usually protecting something deeper, and therapy can help you untangle it and build a healthier relationship with yourself.

Final Thoughts

Perfectionism is sneaky. It often disguises itself as ambition or high standards, but underneath it is usually fear—of being judged, of not being enough, of losing love or control. But you’re allowed to be a whole human. Messy, brilliant, tired, joyful, imperfect—you.

So tell me—what’s one small thing you can let be good enough today?