Can’t Stop Overthinking? Here’s Why Your Brain Won’t Chill

You’re finally in bed, ready to rest, and suddenly your mind decides it’s time to replay that one awkward thing you said hours ago. You leave a social event and start questioning everything you said. Did I talk too much? Not enough? Did I overshare? You wake up and your brain is already running through your to-do list.

If any of this feels familiar — hi, welcome. You’re likely an overthinker. If you’re also anxiously attached and tend to people please, it makes sense that your mind doesn’t switch off.

Let’s explore why.

What Is Overthinking a Symptom Of?

Overthinking is often a coping mechanism. For many anxiously attached people-pleasers, it becomes a way to try to control how others see them or avoid rejection.

It’s tied to a nervous system that’s always on high alert. When you grow up in an environment where love or connection feels conditional, your mind learns to stay busy scanning for ways to stay safe. Overthinking becomes a survival strategy that keeps you alert and prepared. And when you’re also a people-pleaser? That overthinking gets even louder — because you’re not just thinking for yourself, you’re trying to anticipate everyone else’s feelings too.

Why You Might Be an Overthinker

Somewhere along the way, overthinking helped you survive. It helped you stay one step ahead. It kept you from being caught off guard. It helped you feel prepared.

You might’ve learned to:

• Read between the lines in every interaction.

• Second-guess yourself constantly.

• Apologise before you’ve even done something wrong

• Rehearse conversations or obsess over text messages.

What Is the Best Treatment for Overthinking?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but here’s what’s been most effective for the people I work with:

🧠 Therapy – Especially attachment-based, inner child, or somatic therapy that helps calm your nervous system.

💭 Mindfulness – Learning to notice thoughts without attaching to them.

💗 Self-compassion – Meeting your inner overthinker with kindness instead of criticism.

🧍‍♀️ Body-based practices – Grounding exercises, movement, and breathwork can help interrupt the spirals and bring you back to the present.

How to Turn the Volume Down on Overthinking

You might not stop overthinking entirely, but you can create more space between your thoughts and your reactions:

• Name it. Just noticing: “Ah, I’m overthinking again” helps create some distance.

• Limit rumination: Set a timer. Give yourself 5–10 minutes to spiral, then shift your attention (even just by changing your environment).

• Use your body: Move. Shake it out. Stretch. Go for a walk. Overthinking lives in the head, and your body is your way out.

• Ask what you need: Behind every overthinking loop is a feeling and a need. Can you offer yourself some safety, reassurance, or rest?

Final Thoughts

Overthinking often begins as a way to feel safe, loved, and accepted. It’s common for people pleasers and those who grew up feeling like they had to keep the peace. The goal isn’t to stop every anxious thought. It’s to understand why they show up, meet them with compassion, and create practices that help your mind feel calmer.

💬 What’s one thing that helps you calm your mind when it won’t switch off?

✨ Want more support like this straight to your inbox? 💌

You can sign up for my newsletter near the bottom of the homepage.