When Asking for Fresh Fries Makes You Nervous: Learning to Recognise and Express Your Feelings and Needs

Ok. I know it seems small. But if asking for fresh fries at the drive-through makes you nervous, there’s probably more going on under the surface. It’s not about the fries. It’s about how hard it can feel to notice what you want and actually ask for it.

And if that feels true, it likely shows up in other parts of your life too.

Why It Feels Hard to Express What You Feel or Need

If you struggle to say what you’re feeling or ask for what you need, you probably didn’t grow up in an environment where your emotions were welcomed. You may have been told, directly or indirectly, that your feelings were too much, inconvenient, or better kept quiet.

You might worry that speaking up will disappoint someone. That saying how you feel will lead to conflict. That having needs will make you look dramatic or selfish. So instead, you stay quiet. You figure out how everyone else feels first. You try to keep the peace.

You might have heard messages like:

• “Don’t be so sensitive”

• “It’s not a big deal”

• “You’re overthinking”

These messages can make you second-guess yourself. Over time, you learn to disconnect from what you feel and what you need. You learn to put yourself last. And at some point, that becomes automatic.

Why This Isn’t Just About Fries

When you’ve been people-pleasing for years, it can feel strange to tune in to yourself. You might not know what you feel. You might not even know what you need. So something like asking for fresh fries can feel awkward or uncomfortable.

But learning to notice, feel, and express your emotions is not about becoming someone new. It’s about returning to yourself.

What Can Happen When You Keep It All In

Your feelings and needs do not disappear just because you don’t speak them out loud. They often build up and show up in other ways:

• Feeling emotionally drained

• Getting stuck in resentment

• Struggling to make decisions

• Carrying tension or anxiety

• Feeling disconnected from your own life

You might look like you’re holding it all together. But inside, it feels like something’s missing or stuck. That feeling is real. And it matters.

Why It’s Important to Reconnect with Your Inner World

Your feelings are not a problem to solve. They’re signals. They tell you what matters to you. Learning to notice them helps you understand yourself, and naming what you need helps you feel more supported and seen.

When you allow yourself to feel what you feel and say what you need, you give others a chance to understand the real you. And you give yourself the care and attention you deserve.

How to Start Noticing and Expressing Your Feelings

1. Pause and Check In

Take a few moments each day to ask yourself:

• What am I feeling right now?

• What might I need?

You might not always know the answer. That’s ok. Start with simple words like tired, overwhelmed, calm, lonely, content, unsure. Writing it down can help.

2. Use Gentle Language

If you want to share something, try:

• “I’ve been feeling a little off and I’m trying to understand it.”

• “I think I might need some rest.”

• “I’m noticing that I’m feeling more anxious than usual.”

You don’t have to explain everything or have all the answers. Speaking honestly in small ways is already a big step.

3. Practise with People You Trust

Start with someone who feels safe. This could be a close friend, a therapist, or even yourself in a journal. The more often you do this, the easier it becomes to stay connected to what you feel.

Final Thoughts

It takes time to unlearn old habits. But it’s possible. And it’s worth it.

You are allowed to feel what you feel. You are allowed to want what you want. You do not have to earn the right to take up space.

This is about learning how to return to yourself—gently, slowly, and with compassion.

💬 Does this resonate with you? Let me know in the comments.

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