The Red Flags That Hook People-Pleasers And the Green Flags You Deserve in A Romantic Relationship

Hands up if dating can feel like a rollercoaster you didn’t sign up for. If you already struggle with anxious thoughts, fear of abandonment, or the belief that you’re “too much,” stepping into the dating world can feel like you’re walking on eggshells. Add in a culture of swiping, ghosting, and mixed messages, and it’s no wonder it feels daunting.

Why It Can Feel Impossible to Believe You’ll Find Someone

If you grew up always trying to keep the peace, prove your worth, or earn love through over-giving, dating can trigger old wounds. That inner critic may whisper:

💭 “Why would anyone choose me?”

💭 “I’m too much.”

💭 “What if they leave the second I get close?”

These thoughts don’t mean you’re unworthy of love; they’re signs of the attachment wounds you carry.

Signs to Watch Out For in Early Dating

People-pleasers are especially vulnerable to dynamics that feel like love at first sight but may not actually be safe. Watch for:

❤️‍🔥 Love bombing – overwhelming affection, gifts, or fast declarations of love. It feels flattering but can be a tactic to pull you in.

🚩 Inconsistency – hot and cold behaviour that leaves you anxious, waiting for the next text or apology.

🚩 Control disguised as care – “I just worry about you, that’s why I need to know where you are.”

🚩 Dismissing your needs – making you feel clingy, needy, or dramatic when you express yourself.

What Safe Relationships Look Like

A healthy relationship doesn’t mean it’s perfect or without conflict. It means you feel:

🌱 Safe to express your needs without being shamed.

🌱 Secure knowing they’ll show up consistently.

🌱 Respected as an equal, not pressured to earn love.

🌱 Appreciated for who you are, not what you do for them.

If You’re Already in a Relationship

Being a people-pleaser in a relationship often looks like:

💔 Overthinking every small conflict.

💔 Fear they’ll leave if you upset them.

💔 Difficulty asking for your needs because you don’t want to be a burden.

💔 Becoming the caretaker, organiser, or peacekeeper to feel secure.

These struggles don’t mean you’re doomed. With self-awareness and support, you can begin to break these patterns and build a love that feels mutual, steady, and safe.

Final Thoughts

Dating can be rough, dating as a people-pleasing millennial woman is hard — but you’re not too much, and you’re not destined to repeat unhealthy cycles forever. By learning to spot red flags early and trust that your needs are valid, you can move towards relationships that actually feel good for you.

You deserve a relationship where you don’t feel like you’re begging for scraps of love. If this blog resonates, sign up for my weekly blog where I share therapist insights, tools, and encouragement for people-pleasing millennial women navigating love, self-worth, and boundaries. 💌