Valentine’s Day Can Be Whatever You Want It to Be (Here’s How)

Valentine’s Day often stirs up more pressure than joy. Whether you're in a relationship, single, or “it’s complicated,” this day can bring up all kinds of feelings (none of which are covered in those pastel candy hearts).

If you’re already feeling anxious about what to plan, what to buy, or how to make sure no one is disappointed, take a breath. You don’t have to turn 14 February into a test of your worth.

For people-pleasers, the holiday can feel like a performance review on how well they manage relationships. Cue the anxious thoughts:

💭 “What if my gift isn’t thoughtful enough?”

💭 “Are they expecting something big?

💭 “What if they don’t like my plans?

💭 “Am I a bad partner if I secretly don’t care about this holiday?”

And if you’re single, the questions sound different but feel just as heavy:

💭 “Should I be sad? Am I sad? Do I need to plan a ‘self-love’ night?”

💭 “Are all my friends going to be busy with their partners?”

💭 “Should I post something cute or pretend this day doesn’t exist?”

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to overwhelm you. With some intention, you can create space for yourself and approach it in a way that feels calm, connected, and real.

1. Let Go of the Pressure to Make It Perfect

People-pleasers often feel responsible for creating a perfect experience for others, especially on holidays. But connection is what matters, not performance.

Ask yourself:

🌸What would actually feel enjoyable for me?

🌸 Am I planning this out of love or out of fear of disappointing someone?

🌸 Would I still do this if there were no expectations?

There’s a lot of pressure to make this one day special, but let’s be real: romance isn’t about a single date on the calendar. Your worth isn’t measured by whether or not you pulled off the perfect Valentine’s Day.

It’s okay to keep things simple, say no to things you don’t want to do, or even gasp skip it altogether.

2. Your Worth Isn’t Measured in Gifts (or Instagram Posts)

It’s easy to spiral into comparison mode when social media is flooded with extravagant date nights, elaborate surprises, and couple photos captioned #blessed. But remember: social media is a highlight reel, not real life.

A lack of grand gestures does not mean your relationship is lacking, and being single doesn’t mean you’re missing out. Your value is not determined by gifts, public displays, or grand events, or whether you’re celebrating at all.

3. Single? Celebrate YOU Instead

Valentine’s Day isn’t just for couples; it’s a day to celebrate love in all its forms, including self-love. If you’re single, instead of focusing on what’s missing, think about what would make you feel good:

🩷 Plan a cosy night in with your favourite comfort food and a nostalgic movie.

🩷 Take yourself out for coffee or lunch at a place you love.

🩷 A friend-date with your favourite people (Galentine’s, anyone?).

🩷 Give yourself a break from social media if it feels heavy.

Loving yourself isn’t an if no one else does it, I guess I will situation. It’s an active choice to show up for yourself, not just today, but every day.

4. Communicate What You Actually Want

If you have a partner, don’t fall into the trap of hoping they’ll magically read your mind. If certain things matter to you, whether it’s a handwritten note or skipping the holiday altogether, talk about it.

Your needs aren’t too much or too demanding just because you voiced them. And if your partner doesn’t meet them in the exact way you envisioned? That doesn’t mean they don’t care. Give them the chance to show up for you in their own way.

5. Be Kind to Yourself

If Valentine’s Day stirs up hard emotions, loneliness, anxiety, or comparison, notice those feelings with compassion. Try offering yourself the same kindness you would give a friend.

🩷 Remind yourself that your worth isn’t up for debate.

🩷 Do something small that brings you comfort.

🩷 Take a break from social media if it’s making you spiral.

Final Thoughts

Valentine’s Day is just one day out of the year. It doesn’t define your relationship status, your self-worth, or your value as a person. Whether you’re celebrating with someone, with friends, or alone, let it be about connection and care—starting with yourself.

Happy Valentine’s Day (or just, happy regular day with extra chocolate opportunities)! 🍫