“They’re the One” How to Know You’ve Found the Right Therapist

Finding a therapist can feel like a big task. There are so many options, and when you are already feeling overwhelmed, it is easy to get stuck at the starting line. Therapy is not just about talking through challenges. It is about feeling understood, supported, and safe with the person sitting across from you, whether that is in a room or on a screen.

What to Look for in a Therapist?

✅ Who They Are as a Person

Their gender, age, ethnicity, and values can influence how you connect with them. Sometimes it helps to choose someone who feels relatable or familiar.

✅ Credentials and Experience

Check that they are registered with a recognised professional body. Look for someone who has training and experience in supporting the areas you are seeking help for, whether that is anxiety, relationships, or trauma.

✅ Therapeutic Approach

Therapists use different styles (CBT, psychodynamic, person-centred, etc.). Research what resonates with you.

✅ Comfort & Connection

Pay attention to how you feel in their presence. You should feel heard, respected, and safe. If you don’t feel comfortable within the first few sessions, they might not be the right fit, which is normal. Sometimes, it takes a little time to find that perfect match. Think of it like dating. You’re not going to feel a connection with everyone, and that’s okay!

✅ Cultural Competency

If aspects of your identity (gender, ethnicity, sexuality) are important to your healing, find a therapist who is affirming and sensitive to your lived experiences.

✅ Availability & Logistics

Consider their location, availability, and fees. Whether you want them online or in person, and what you can invest financially.

What Are Green Flags in a Therapist?

💚 They create a safe, non-judgemental space – You feel heard and validated, not criticised or dismissed.

💚 They encourage autonomy – A good therapist won’t tell you what to do but will help you explore your options and trust yourself.

💚 They have strong boundaries – They maintain professional boundaries and don’t overshare about their personal lives.

💚 They adjust their approach – They tailor their methods to fit your needs rather than using a one-size-fits-all approach.

💚 They empower you – You leave sessions feeling supported and equipped with tools to navigate challenges.

💚 They are open to feedback – A great therapist welcomes feedback and adjusts if something isn’t working for you.

Final Thoughts:

Finding the right therapist is not always quick, but it is worth the effort. You are allowed to take your time, ask questions, and choose someone who makes you feel understood and supported. If something doesn’t feel right, trust yourself and keep looking. The connection you have with your therapist can make all the difference in your healing journey.

💬 What would make you feel safe and supported in therapy? Share in the comments below.

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Say No at Work Without Feeling Guilty (or Over-Explaining)

The late summer shift. The days are still warm and bright, yet the carefree energy of the season starts to fade. The inbox is overflowing, deadlines are gathering, and your calendar is suddenly crammed with commitments that feel ready to spill over. For many people, this time of year brings a return to a structured routine. For people-pleasers, it is also the time when boundaries are tested the most.

Saying "no" at work can feel difficult. Saying it without explaining too much, apologising, or offering other ways to help can feel even harder. If you often feel pressure to justify your boundaries, this return to work mode can be draining.

Why Is Saying No So Hard?

Most of us were never taught how to say no in a way that feels comfortable. People-pleasers often say yes before even thinking about whether they have the time or desire to take on more. Many of us fear being seen as difficult, unhelpful, or replaceable.

Workplaces can reinforce this by rewarding employees who take on extra work without hesitation. The term “team player” often carries an expectation of always being available. For those who carry a strong sense of responsibility for how they are perceived, saying no feels uncomfortable.

Constantly saying yes leads to exhaustion and resentment. Overcommitting creates stress and takes a toll on your wellbeing.

The Over-Explaining Trap

One of the biggest challenges for people-pleasers is not just saying no but how they say it. If you have ever written a long email to decline a request, you know this pattern well.

Over-explaining often comes from guilt. It can feel like simply saying no is not enough, so you justify your decision in detail. Yet, a direct response is often more effective.

Shifting Your Mindset Around Boundaries

Setting boundaries at work isn’t about being unhelpful—it’s about being realistic. You are not a bad employee or a bad person for managing your workload. In fact, the ability to set boundaries is a skill that makes you more effective in the long run.

A key shift in mindset? Boundaries do not need to come with long explanations. A simple “no” is not rude, and it does not make you difficult.

How to Say No Without Over-Explaining

If saying no feels stressful, try these steps:

1. Keep It Brief:

A simple “I don’t have the capacity for that right now” is enough.

2. Offer an Alternative (If You Want To):

Only if it is genuinely helpful, such as suggesting another team member.. But don’t feel obligated to do this every time.

3. Use Neutral Language:

Avoid overly apologetic words. “Unfortunately, I can’t right now” keeps things clear.

4. Practise the Pause:

Get comfortable saying, “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.” This creates space before answering and buys you time to consider whether you actually want to take it on.

5. Recognise That No is a Complete Sentence:

“I can’t take that on” is a valid response. Full stop.

Final Thoughts

As the post-summer work pace picks up, it’s easy to fall into old habits of overcommitting and over-explaining. But this season can also be an opportunity to reset your boundaries and remind yourself that you don’t owe anyone an explanation for protecting your time and energy.

Saying no is not a rejection. It is a commitment to your wellbeing and your ability to show up fully when you do say yes. And that’s the kind of balance that makes work (and life) a whole lot more sustainable.

💬 What’s one area in your life where you’d like to start saying no with confidence?

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Valentine’s Day Can Be Whatever You Want It to Be (Here’s How)

Valentine’s Day often stirs up more pressure than joy. Whether you're in a relationship, single, or “it’s complicated,” this day can bring up all kinds of feelings (none of which are covered in those pastel candy hearts).

If you’re already feeling anxious about what to plan, what to buy, or how to make sure no one is disappointed, take a breath. You don’t have to turn 14 February into a test of your worth.

For people-pleasers, the holiday can feel like a performance review on how well they manage relationships. Cue the anxious thoughts:

💭 “What if my gift isn’t thoughtful enough?”

💭 “Are they expecting something big?

💭 “What if they don’t like my plans?

💭 “Am I a bad partner if I secretly don’t care about this holiday?”

And if you’re single, the questions sound different but feel just as heavy:

💭 “Should I be sad? Am I sad? Do I need to plan a ‘self-love’ night?”

💭 “Are all my friends going to be busy with their partners?”

💭 “Should I post something cute or pretend this day doesn’t exist?”

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to overwhelm you. With some intention, you can create space for yourself and approach it in a way that feels calm, connected, and real.

1. Let Go of the Pressure to Make It Perfect

People-pleasers often feel responsible for creating a perfect experience for others, especially on holidays. But connection is what matters, not performance.

Ask yourself:

🌸What would actually feel enjoyable for me?

🌸 Am I planning this out of love or out of fear of disappointing someone?

🌸 Would I still do this if there were no expectations?

There’s a lot of pressure to make this one day special, but let’s be real: romance isn’t about a single date on the calendar. Your worth isn’t measured by whether or not you pulled off the perfect Valentine’s Day.

It’s okay to keep things simple, say no to things you don’t want to do, or even gasp skip it altogether.

2. Your Worth Isn’t Measured in Gifts (or Instagram Posts)

It’s easy to spiral into comparison mode when social media is flooded with extravagant date nights, elaborate surprises, and couple photos captioned #blessed. But remember: social media is a highlight reel, not real life.

A lack of grand gestures does not mean your relationship is lacking, and being single doesn’t mean you’re missing out. Your value is not determined by gifts, public displays, or grand events, or whether you’re celebrating at all.

3. Single? Celebrate YOU Instead

Valentine’s Day isn’t just for couples; it’s a day to celebrate love in all its forms, including self-love. If you’re single, instead of focusing on what’s missing, think about what would make you feel good:

🩷 Plan a cosy night in with your favourite comfort food and a nostalgic movie.

🩷 Take yourself out for coffee or lunch at a place you love.

🩷 A friend-date with your favourite people (Galentine’s, anyone?).

🩷 Give yourself a break from social media if it feels heavy.

Loving yourself isn’t an if no one else does it, I guess I will situation. It’s an active choice to show up for yourself, not just today, but every day.

4. Communicate What You Actually Want

If you have a partner, don’t fall into the trap of hoping they’ll magically read your mind. If certain things matter to you, whether it’s a handwritten note or skipping the holiday altogether, talk about it.

Your needs aren’t too much or too demanding just because you voiced them. And if your partner doesn’t meet them in the exact way you envisioned? That doesn’t mean they don’t care. Give them the chance to show up for you in their own way.

5. Be Kind to Yourself

If Valentine’s Day stirs up hard emotions, loneliness, anxiety, or comparison, notice those feelings with compassion. Try offering yourself the same kindness you would give a friend.

🩷 Remind yourself that your worth isn’t up for debate.

🩷 Do something small that brings you comfort.

🩷 Take a break from social media if it’s making you spiral.

Final Thoughts

Valentine’s Day is just one day out of the year. It doesn’t define your relationship status, your self-worth, or your value as a person. Whether you’re celebrating with someone, with friends, or alone, let it be about connection and care—starting with yourself.

Happy Valentine’s Day (or just, happy regular day with extra chocolate opportunities)! 🍫