When Asking for Fresh Fries Makes You Nervous: Learning to Recognise and Express Your Feelings and Needs

Ok. I know it seems small. But if asking for fresh fries at the drive-through makes you nervous, there’s probably more going on under the surface. It’s not about the fries. It’s about how hard it can feel to notice what you want and actually ask for it.

And if that feels true, it likely shows up in other parts of your life too.

Why It Feels Hard to Express What You Feel or Need

If you struggle to say what you’re feeling or ask for what you need, you probably didn’t grow up in an environment where your emotions were welcomed. You may have been told, directly or indirectly, that your feelings were too much, inconvenient, or better kept quiet.

You might worry that speaking up will disappoint someone. That saying how you feel will lead to conflict. That having needs will make you look dramatic or selfish. So instead, you stay quiet. You figure out how everyone else feels first. You try to keep the peace.

You might have heard messages like:

• “Don’t be so sensitive”

• “It’s not a big deal”

• “You’re overthinking”

These messages can make you second-guess yourself. Over time, you learn to disconnect from what you feel and what you need. You learn to put yourself last. And at some point, that becomes automatic.

Why This Isn’t Just About Fries

When you’ve been people-pleasing for years, it can feel strange to tune in to yourself. You might not know what you feel. You might not even know what you need. So something like asking for fresh fries can feel awkward or uncomfortable.

But learning to notice, feel, and express your emotions is not about becoming someone new. It’s about returning to yourself.

What Can Happen When You Keep It All In

Your feelings and needs do not disappear just because you don’t speak them out loud. They often build up and show up in other ways:

• Feeling emotionally drained

• Getting stuck in resentment

• Struggling to make decisions

• Carrying tension or anxiety

• Feeling disconnected from your own life

You might look like you’re holding it all together. But inside, it feels like something’s missing or stuck. That feeling is real. And it matters.

Why It’s Important to Reconnect with Your Inner World

Your feelings are not a problem to solve. They’re signals. They tell you what matters to you. Learning to notice them helps you understand yourself, and naming what you need helps you feel more supported and seen.

When you allow yourself to feel what you feel and say what you need, you give others a chance to understand the real you. And you give yourself the care and attention you deserve.

How to Start Noticing and Expressing Your Feelings

1. Pause and Check In

Take a few moments each day to ask yourself:

• What am I feeling right now?

• What might I need?

You might not always know the answer. That’s ok. Start with simple words like tired, overwhelmed, calm, lonely, content, unsure. Writing it down can help.

2. Use Gentle Language

If you want to share something, try:

• “I’ve been feeling a little off and I’m trying to understand it.”

• “I think I might need some rest.”

• “I’m noticing that I’m feeling more anxious than usual.”

You don’t have to explain everything or have all the answers. Speaking honestly in small ways is already a big step.

3. Practise with People You Trust

Start with someone who feels safe. This could be a close friend, a therapist, or even yourself in a journal. The more often you do this, the easier it becomes to stay connected to what you feel.

Final Thoughts

It takes time to unlearn old habits. But it’s possible. And it’s worth it.

You are allowed to feel what you feel. You are allowed to want what you want. You do not have to earn the right to take up space.

This is about learning how to return to yourself—gently, slowly, and with compassion.

💬 Does this resonate with you? Let me know in the comments.

📬 You can also get more content like this straight to your inbox by signing up for the newsletter at the bottom of my homepage.

How to Survive Shorter Days When Your Mood Drops with the Sun

Have you ever looked out the window at 6 p.m. and thought, “Wait, is it bedtime?” Same. Shorter days can affect your mood, motivation, and even your sense of self. And you’re someone who tends to keep things together for everyone else, winter can quietly push you beyond your limit.

You tell yourself it’s just the winter blues, that it’s not “bad enough” to take seriously. You try to stay productive. You push through. But deep down? You’re tired, flat, and maybe even wondering… Is this seasonal depression?

What Is the Winter Blues, Anyway?

The “winter blues” is a term used to describe a general dip in mood during the colder, darker months. It’s super common, especially in places where daylight disappears fast. But for some people, it can turn into something more serious.

Winter blues can develop into seasonal depression, also known as seasonal affective disorder (SAD). This is a type of depression that follows a seasonal pattern, typically starting in late autumn and lifting in spring.

You might:

🥶 Feel low or flat for weeks at a time

🥶 Struggle to get out of bed in the morning

🥶 Feel more irritable or weepy than usual

🥶 Withdraw from friends or lose interest in things you usually enjoy

How Long Does Seasonal Depression Last?

For most people, seasonal depression lasts for about 4–5 months, beginning in late autumn and easing off in spring when the days get longer. But even if it’s “just a few months,” it can take a real toll on your emotional well-being, especially if you’re also burning out from always trying to be the reliable one, the supportive one, the one who never complains.

Why It Can Hit So Hard for People-Pleasers

When daylight disappears, your brain produces less serotonin (a chemical that helps with mood) and more melatonin (a sleep hormone). You might feel more tired, less motivated, and less like yourself.

But if you’re someone who constantly prioritises others, this seasonal slump can get buried under a mountain of self-blame:

“Why am I not coping?”

“Everyone else seems fine.”

“I don’t have time to slow down.”

You might push yourself harder instead of responding with compassion. But winter is not the time to override your limits. It’s the time to honour them.

How to Get Out of Seasonal Depression (or at Least Lighten the Load)

🕯️ Add light where you can – A light therapy lamp (especially one with 10,000 lux) can make a big difference. Open the curtains early. Sit by the windows. Fairy lights and candles can help your mood more than you think.

💬 Check in with yourself – Ask: Am I low because it’s dark outside… or because I keep abandoning my own needs?

🫶 Validate your feelings – You’re not lazy. You’re not “too sensitive.” This season asks a lot of your nervous system.

🌱 Shift your expectations – You don’t need to keep the same pace you had in summer. Slowing down isn’t a failure—it’s seasonal wisdom.

🛌 Prioritise rest, not just sleep – Emotional rest matters, too. Cancel what drains you. Say no more often. Make space for stillness.

Final Thoughts

Winter has a way of magnifying what’s already under the surface, especially if you’re someone who’s always holding it together for everyone else.

So if you’re feeling low, unmotivated, or emotionally drained, please know:

💙 You’re allowed to take your needs seriously.

💙 You’re allowed to soften your expectations.

💙 You’re allowed to move slower—and still be enough.

☕️ What helps you get through the shorter days?

Comment below—I’d love to hear what brings you even the tiniest bit of light this time of year.

✨ Want more support like this straight to your inbox? 💌

You can sign up for my newsletter near the bottom of the homepage.

When Love Feels Like a Performance: Dating and Relationships as a People-Pleaser

Dating as a millennial woman already comes with its fair share of pressure. There are dating apps, ghosting culture, conflicting messages about independence vs vulnerability and when you layer people-pleasing on top of all that? It can feel like a minefield. You’re constantly navigating the tension between wanting connection and being terrified that being “too much” or having needs will scare someone away.

There’s also the cultural messaging millennial women have grown up with, be empowered, but don’t be intimidating. Be confident, but not too confident. Be emotionally available, but don’t be clingy. That’s a lot to carry. So people-pleasing can feel like a survival strategy in modern dating, a way to feel safe, desirable, and “low-maintenance” in a world that often punishes women for taking up emotional space.

While dating is supposed to be fun and exciting, for some of us, it feels more like a high-stakes emotional tightrope. You might go along with a plan even though you have a different preference. You might wait anxiously for a text back, but respond with, “No worries at all!” when they reply two days later with no explanation. Or maybe you're months into a relationship and you still haven’t told them that something they do bothers you, because you’re scared of rocking the boat or being seen as difficult.

I see it all the time. You’re kind, thoughtful, emotionally intelligent...and yet you keep ending up in unbalanced, unfulfilling relationships. Why?

Let’s unpack it.

How People-Pleasing Can Affect Relationships

People-pleasing isn’t just about saying yes when you mean no (though that happens a lot). In relationships, it can show up as:

• Over-functioning to keep the other person happy

• Suppressing your needs or preferences to avoid conflict

• Reading between the lines to anticipate what they might want

• Feeling anxious or rejected if they pull away, even slightly

Over time, people-pleasing creates a dynamic where your partner’s comfort matters more than your own. You shape-shift, edit yourself, and take on emotional labour that isn’t yours. And it’s exhausting.

How Does People-Pleasing Show Up in Relationships?

It can be sneaky. Here are a few signs:

🔴 You feel guilty for having boundaries.

🔴 Downplay your emotions so you don’t seem "too much."

🔴 Obsess over text tone or time gaps, assuming you did something wrong.

🔴 Put your partner’s needs above your own, even when it hurts.

🔴 Say things like "It’s fine!" when it’s very much not fine.

If that feels painfully familiar, you’re in good company. People-pleasing often comes from a deep-rooted fear of being abandoned or a belief that love has to be earned by proving you’re “easy” or “enough” to keep around.

In longer-term relationships, people-pleasing can show up in subtle but exhausting ways: always being the one to apologise first, taking on the emotional labour in the relationship, or swallowing your needs because “they’ve got a lot going on right now.” You might find yourself walking on eggshells when they’re stressed, changing your behaviour to avoid conflict, or tiptoeing around your own feelings because you don’t want to seem needy.

Why Is Dating as a People-Pleaser Hard?

You may notice yourself feeling drawn to partners who take more than they give. You find yourself offering support, holding space, and showing up emotionally, which can create an uneven dynamic. You become the one holding the relationship together.

It can also make dating feel like a performance. You’re not just getting to know someone, you’re managing how they see you, trying to be easygoing, attractive, and low-maintenance, even if that means swallowing your true feelings.

Eventually, that self-silencing builds resentment. You might wake up one day and think: They don’t even know the real me.

What Can You Do Instead?

🟢 Practice naming your needs, even if it feels scary.

🟢 Remind yourself: You’re not too much for the right person.

🟢 Let go of being "chill" if it costs you your authenticity.

🟢 Choose connection over performance.

You don’t have to fix, earn, or prove your way into love. The right relationship will make room for the full version of you, not just the version who makes everything easy for everyone else.

Final Thoughts

You’re allowed to take up space in a relationship. You’re allowed to ask for clarity, consistency, and kindness. You’re allowed to want more, and to believe that “more” is possible.

If dating has left you feeling disheartened, burned out, or unsure of your worth, you're not alone. You’re not broken, too needy, or too sensitive. You’re someone who deserves to feel safe, seen, and supported—not just in the beginning, but all the way through.