Dear Parents, I Love You. Also, No. The Parent-Pleasing Recovery Club

So many of us millennial women grew up as the “good girl.” The one who helped, who stayed calm, who made everyone else’s lives a little easier. Somewhere along the way, being “good” often meant staying quiet about your own feelings and putting everyone else first.

Parent-pleasing is a pattern that starts young. Maybe you felt like love and approval came when you were easy to be around, responsible, or successful. Maybe you learned to anticipate your parents’ moods and smooth over tension before it started. And now, as an adult, that same pattern shows up in your relationships, friendships, and even at work.

Parent-pleasing often comes with a heavy load of guilt, fear of disappointing others, and a struggle to say no. It’s a deeply ingrained survival strategy, not a sign that something is wrong with you. It kept you safe and connected when you were little, but now, it might be keeping you from feeling like your true self.

Why Is Parent-Pleasing So Hard for Millennial Women

Many of us grew up in a world that celebrated us for being polite, responsible, and “mature” beyond our years. We were told to respect our elders, keep the family peace, and not make a fuss. These lessons stick. For women, especially, cultural messages often reinforced that our value came from being caring, accommodating, and helpful.

This is why saying no to your parents can feel so impossible, even as an adult. You might feel anxious about setting boundaries or worry that speaking your truth will disappoint them. These feelings are valid and they’re deeply tied to your early experiences of love and belonging.

The Cost of Always Pleasing

When your relationships revolve around keeping others happy, it’s easy to lose touch with what you want. You might notice yourself feeling resentful, exhausted, or disconnected from your own needs. Over time, this can lead to burnout and anxiety.

✨ You deserve relationships where your voice matters just as much as anyone else’s. ✨

How to Start Healing

🩷 Notice the Origin

Get curious about when this pattern started. Understanding where it came from helps you meet yourself with compassion instead of shame.

🩷 Reconnect With Yourself

Spend time noticing your preferences, desires, and limits. This can start small, like saying what you actually want for dinner or how you want to spend your time.

🩷 Start with Small Boundaries

Simple statements like “I’m not available for that” or “I’ll get back to you” can help you practise holding your ground gently.

🩷 Expect Guilt

Feeling guilty when you set boundaries is completely normal. Guilt means you’re unlearning old rules, not that you’re doing something wrong.

🩷 Seek Support

Therapy is a safe space to untangle these dynamics and learn how to step out of parent-pleasing patterns. You don’t have to do this alone.

Final Thoughts

Parent-pleasing may have helped you feel safe growing up, but it doesn’t need to define your relationships now. You’re allowed to prioritise yourself. You’re allowed to have needs. And you’re allowed to take up space, even with your parents.

💬 Comment below: What’s one thing you’d love to say no to without guilt?

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