Managing Holiday Anxiety: Tips for People-Pleasers Who Overthink Everything

The holiday season is supposed to feel magical, right? but if you’re someone who overthinks and tries to keep everyone happy, it can bring a unique kind of stress and overwhelm. Between juggling plans, worrying about how others feel, and trying to meet sky-high expectations, the holidays can feel less like a Hallmark movie and more like a marathon of emotional gymnastics.

Here’s the good news: it doesn’t have to be like this. With a bit of self-awareness and some practical tips, you can reduce stress, manage expectations, and cope with holiday anxiety in a way that actually lets you enjoy the season.

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Why Holidays Trigger Overthinking

For people-pleasers and overthinkers, the holidays can amplify underlying fears and insecurities:

• “Did I get them the right gift?”

• “Will they be upset if I say no to their invitation?”

• “What if I don’t know what to say and it gets awkward?”

  
  

Holiday events can carry unspoken expectations, social obligations, and family dynamics that stir up past discomfort. For those who feel responsible for keeping the peace, even small things can start to feel like a lot. The urge to keep things smooth, thoughtful, and emotionally safe for everyone else can leave very little space for your own needs.

Signs You’re Experiencing Holiday Anxiety

Wondering if holiday anxiety is sneaking up on you? Look out for these signs:

• Overthinking every decision, from gifts to outfits.

• Feeling guilty (like, ugh level guilty) for setting boundaries or saying no.

• Worrying way too much about how people see you.

• Struggling to enjoy the moment because you’re busy replaying past interactions.

• Feeling physically tense, exhausted, or emotionally on edge.

6 Tips to Reduce Holiday Stress and Manage Overthinking

If overthinking and people-pleasing are your holiday default settings, here are six ways to take the pressure off and find some calm:

1. Set Boundaries Early

Decide what’s manageable for you and communicate your limits with kindness:

• “I’d love to come, but I can only stay for an hour.”

• “I’m keeping gifts simple this year—just a little something from the heart.”

  
  

2. Stop Trying to Read Minds

Overthinkers often assume they know what others are thinking, especially when it comes to disappointment or criticism. Remind yourself:

• You’re not a mind reader.

• Most people aren’t analysing your actions as much as you think.

• If someone is upset, it’s okay—they’ll survive, and so will you.

  
  

3. Focus on Connection, Not Perfection

The holidays aren’t about the perfect gift or the flawless dinner party—they’re about connecting with the people you care about. Shift your focus from doing things right to simply being present:

• Laughing over silly memories.

• Sharing heartfelt conversations.

• Simply enjoying time with loved ones.

  
  

4. Plan Breaks for Yourself

You can’t pour from an empty cup. Schedule moments to decompress:

• Take a walk outside to clear your head.

• Listen to your favourite music or podcast while wrapping gifts.

• Spend an evening recharging with a cosy movie or book.

  
  

5. Challenge Negative Thoughts

When overthinking creeps in, try this:

1. Write down the worry: “What if my gift isn’t good enough?”

2. Counter it with logic: “It’s the thought that counts, and they’ll appreciate the effort I made.”

3. Replace it with a positive mantra: “I’m enough, just as I am.”

   
   

6. Lean on Your Support System

You don’t have to navigate holiday anxiety alone. Reach out to trusted friends or family members who understand you. Sometimes venting out loud or hearing, “I totally get it,” makes a huge difference.

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Embrace an Imperfect Holiday

Here’s the truth: no holiday season is ever perfect. There will be moments that don’t go as planned, and that’s okay. By prioritising your mental well-being and practising self-compassion, you can create a season that feels more authentic and less overwhelming.

There’s no one way the holidays are meant to look. They don’t have to match what you’ve seen in movies or on social media. What matters is how it feels to you.

Happy Holidays and a wonderful New Year from me to you! ✨

People-Pleaser: Definition, Signs, Causes and Dangers Explained

People-pleasing is a term that’s often used, but what does it truly mean? For many millennial women, it feels like second nature: putting everyone else’s needs first, avoiding conflict, and striving to be liked at all costs. People-pleasing behaviours may look sweet and selfless on the surface. Underneath, they often stem from deeper struggles like self-doubt, anxious attachment, and fear of rejection.

Let’s dive into what people-pleasing looks like, why millennial women are especially prone to it, and how therapy can help you break free from the cycle.

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What is People-Pleasing?

In simple terms, people-pleasing is when you constantly prioritise other people’s feelings, wants, and needs above your own, even when it’s at your own expense. It’s driven by the need for approval, the fear of conflict, and the hope that if you’re “good enough,” you won’t be rejected.

Signs of People-Pleasing

Think you might fall into the people-pleaser category? Here are some signs to watch for:

• Saying "yes" when you want to say "no" because you’re worried about disappointing someone.

• Apologising constantly, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.

• Overthinking every interaction, replaying conversations and wondering if you said or did the “wrong” thing.

• Feeling guilty any time you put yourself first or set boundaries.

• Avoiding your own feelings or opinions to keep the peace in relationships.

At its core, people-pleasing behaviours are about seeking validation externally rather than trusting your own worth.

People-Pleasing Examples

If you’re still not sure, here are some everyday situations that scream “people-pleaser”:

• Saying “yes” to extra work when you’re already overwhelmed, just to appear reliable.

• Changing your plans last-minute to fit someone else’s request, even when it inconveniences you.

• Smiling and nodding along in a conversation, even when you completely disagree.

• Going out of your way to fix problems for others, even when it’s not your responsibility.

• Refraining from sharing your needs in a relationship, fearing they’ll think you’re “too much.”

Sound familiar? These behaviours might seem harmless, but they often leave you feeling exhausted, unseen, and disconnected from your true self.

What are the Causes of People-Pleasing in Millennial Women?

People-pleasing tendencies are particularly prevalent among millennial women, and it’s not hard to see why. A combination of social, cultural, and psychological factors has conditioned many to prioritise others’ needs over their own. Here are some key causes:

1. Cultural Conditioning

   Growing up, many millennial women were raised to be “good girls” who avoided conflict and prioritised harmony. This emphasis on being agreeable, polite, and accommodating often carries into adulthood, shaping people-pleasing behaviours.

2. Fear of Rejection

   The rise of social media has amplified fears of judgement, exclusion, and disapproval. For millennial women with people-pleasing tendencies, every post, comment, or interaction can feel like a popularity contest, increasing the drive to be liked and accepted.

3. Low Self-Esteem

   When your self-worth feels shaky, you might rely on external validation to feel “good enough.” People-pleasing can feel like a way to earn love or acceptance, even if it comes at the expense of your own needs.

4. Attachment Styles

   Anxious attachment can drive people-pleasing tendencies. The fear of abandonment or rejection can lead to overcompensating in relationships, with efforts to keep others happy becoming a survival mechanism for maintaining connection.

5. Burnout Culture

   Millennial women are navigating a world that glorifies hustle culture and self-sacrifice. Saying “no” often feels like a failure, pushing people-pleasers to overcommit in their personal and professional lives, even at the expense of their well-being.

The Dangers of People-Pleasing Behaviours

While people-pleasing tendencies might seem harmless—or even helpful—on the surface, they often carry hidden dangers:

• Burnout: Continuously putting others first can lead to emotional and physical exhaustion, leaving you feeling depleted and overwhelmed.

• Resentment: Consistently saying “yes” when you want to say “no” can create frustration and bitterness, both toward others and yourself.

• Loss of Identity: Prioritising others’ needs over your own can erode your sense of self, making it harder to understand or honour your own desires and boundaries.

People-pleasing behaviours can feel like kindness. They also tend to come at a significant cost to your authenticity, well-being, and happiness.

How Therapy Can Help People-Pleasing

The good news? People-pleasing is something you can begin to shift with support and awareness. People-pleasing therapy focuses on understanding the root causes of these behaviours and developing healthier ways to connect with others. Here’s how therapy can support you:

1. Identify Triggers

   A therapist can help you pinpoint the situations and beliefs that drive your people-pleasing tendencies.

2. Build Boundaries

   Through therapy, you’ll learn how to set and communicate boundaries in a way that feels empowering, not confrontational.

3. Challenge Negative Beliefs

   Therapy helps you reframe thoughts like “I have to make everyone happy” or “I’m only valuable if I’m needed.”

4. Develop Self-Compassion

   A therapist will guide you in cultivating self-worth and prioritising your needs without guilt.

5. Practice Assertiveness

   In therapy, you’ll learn how to advocate for yourself in relationships, at work, and in everyday life.

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You’re More Than a People-Pleaser

People-pleasing isn’t something you’re born with. It’s a learned response to fear and external pressure. With the right support, it’s possible to approach relationships in a way that honours your needs. With the right support, you can break free from the pressure to keep everyone happy and start living a life that feels more authentic and fulfilling.

Ready to Stop People-Pleasing?

Therapy could be the next step. Book a free consultation today and let’s work together to help you let go of people-pleasing, build your confidence, and embrace your authentic self.

You’ve got this!

Why Millennial Women are Choosing Psychotherapy to Overcome Self-Doubt and People-Pleasing

It’s okay to ask for help.

You’ve likely spent countless hours navigating relationships, managing stress, and questioning whether you’re truly "good enough." If you constantly find yourself trying to please others, fearing rejection, or doubting your worth, you’re not alone. These struggles are common. With the right support, you can learn how to manage them in a way that feels grounded and self-compassionate. As a psychotherapist specialising in working with millennial women, I understand the pressure of constantly measuring up and the emotional toll it takes. Working with a therapist could be the transformative experience you’ve been seeking to overcome self-doubt and people-pleasing tendencies.

We Understand Your Struggles

Therapy with a psychotherapist who truly gets your unique challenges can be life-changing. If you often find yourself stuck in overthinking, doubting if you said or did the right thing, or worrying about being “too much” or “not enough,” we can work through that together. Therapy offers a space to explore these feelings and begin creating a more compassionate relationship with yourself.

More Than Just Talking. It’s Healing.

Therapy is often thought of as just talking. In reality, it’s a space for growth, insight, and healing. Together, we’ll dig into why you feel the need to constantly please others, why anxious thoughts creep up, and why you’re always thinking, “Am I enough?” We’ll work through those deeper fears and insecurities that keep popping up in your relationships, work, and help you find long-term healing.

Understanding Old Patterns

You may notice that the same issues keep resurfacing — the need to prove yourself, the fear of rejection, or the worry that people will leave. Therapy can help you recognise where these patterns began and how they’re playing out today. This awareness can lead to meaningful change. Over time, you may begin to believe that you are already enough, just as you are.

A Space That’s Just for You

One of the best parts of therapy is having a space that’s solely dedicated to you, where you can let it all out. It’s a place where you don’t have to carry your struggles alone and create a new way of living that feels lighter, freer, and more authentic to who you are.

Ready to Invest in Yourself?

If this resonates with you, now is the time to take the next step. Therapy is one of the most valuable investments you can make for your mental health, well-being, and future. Stop overthinking and start creating a life that feels true to who you are.

Book a free consultation today and let’s explore how therapy can help you feel more at peace with yourself and your relationships. You deserve this! ✨